I Told You Not To Push The Button!
by Rachael-Rose
Summary: TenxRose. First story in the Everybody Lives series. Pushing buttons you're not supposed to always has consequences, no matter where in the universe you are...
1. Chapter 1

"How was I supposed to know it'd explode?"

"Oh, I don't know – didn't the words 'don't push the big red button', 'warning!' or 'explosion imminent' tell you anything?" The Doctor flung the TARDIS doors open and stormed inside, flicking mud everywhere and pulling pieces of a dubious-looking green substance from his hair.

"If you know as much as you think you do, you'll know that the words 'don't push the big red button' only ever make someone want to push the button!" Rose retorted, shaking her muddy, gooey arms all over the console. Sparks flew from it in protest, one catching Rose on the cheek. "And you can keep your nose out!"

"Don't take it out on her!"

"She sparked me!"

"You threw goo all over her."

Rose didn't get the chance to answer back – probably in the Doctor's best interests as well – before the doors slammed shut. Rose screamed. The lights flickered for a second, and then went out, plunging the console room into darkness.

"Well done." A sarcastic voice floated out from the dark, followed by a blue glow as the sonic screwdriver started up, illuminating the Doctor's face eerily.

"I hardly think that was me, worse things have happened." Rose stalked over to the captain's chair, dropping into it and crossing her arms. "Blame me again, why don't you?"

"Shut up." The Doctor sighed, and then seemed to reconsider a little. "Least you didn't try and pull her apart this time." She thought she saw a tiny smile cross his face, but it was quickly replaced by a look of annoyance, and something else she couldn't quite place.

"I didn't do anything!" Rose protested. Growing impatient, she crossed the room to where the Doctor stood flicking a dial. She was about to give him a piece of her mind when he stopped suddenly, and looked up at the ceiling with a confused expression on his face.

"What?"

"Doctor, why are you talking to the roof?" When he didn't reply, Rose waved a hand in front of his face. Batting it away, he just continued to stare, eventually sighing again in an exasperated fashion.

"Women…Fine, if that's the way you want it," he announced to the air. "But you're wrong."

"What's she on about? I'm sorry, if that's it," Rose called out, "I didn't mean to throw goo all over you!" The TARDIS hummed briefly, as if accepting the apology, but didn't turn the lights back on.

The Doctor looked over at Rose, an eyebrow raised. "She's only gone and locked us in."


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty minutes.

Half an hour.

Forty minutes.

Rose could have sworn her watch had stopped working. It felt like they'd been here for hours already, and the TARDIS obviously wasn't going to open up any time soon. She looked down at her watch again, earning an exasperated sigh from next to her. "What?"

"Constantly looking at that thing won't make the time go any quicker, you know."

"Well, I don't see you doing anything about it."

"I can't." The Doctor looked up at the roof again and raised an eyebrow at it, as if the statement was aimed at both her and the ship. A deep rumble shook the floor. "I told you, I'm not doing it!"

Rose looked down, now clinging to the arm of the chair as the rumble subsided. "Not doing what?" The Doctor just shrugged in response. "Fine, be like that," she muttered, getting up and crossing the room. She tried the doors again, but they wouldn't budge. She kicked them instead, and they still didn't budge.

"That won't help."

"Okay, well I'm going to have a shower." Rose returned the way she came, picking bits of hardened goo out of her hair as she attempted to open the other door. That wouldn't move either, and she nearly screamed in frustration. "For the love of God, LET ME OUT!"

The response nearly scared Rose to death.

_Not until he says it._

"Doctor, where did that voice come from?" He nodded at the roof again and resumed staring at the floor, before snapping round to face Rose, eyes wide with what she could almost describe as fear.

"You can hear what she's saying?"

"That was the first time. Why, something I should know?"

"No. Just wondered." He tried to look like he didn't care, but failed miserably.

"There's something you're not telling me," Rose said, accusingly. "What's going on here?"

"Nothing's going on! It's just a malfunction." More sparks flew from the console. "Just give her time to sort herself out and we'll be on our way again. Just sit down and be quiet."

"Doctor." Rose knelt on the floor in front of him and looked him straight in the eye. "I don't believe you. What's. Going. On?"

"Nothing."

_He's got something to tell you, and he's not leaving until he does._

"TARDIS says different." Rose grinned at him. The Doctor picked himself up from the floor and stalked off to the other side of the console, muttering to himself.

"What the Hell is wrong with you today?" the more she followed him round the room, the more he tried to evade her, and Rose felt herself getting frustrated. Eventually she just grabbed the nearest part of him she could (a coat sleeve), and yanked him back, wincing at the feel of still-squishy green stuff in between her fingers.

"Rose, what are you doing?" The question came out far higher than the Doctor would've liked. He'd managed to get his free arm trapped between them, and the sonic screwdriver was held directly under his chin, throwing a blue glow over both their faces.

"Tell me what's going on."

"Really, Rose, this is dangerous." He looked down at the screwdriver. "If I press anything I could fry my brain."

"No worse than what I'll do to you if you don't tell me what's going on."


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor, trapped between an annoyed Rose and an even more annoyed TARDIS, was running out of options. He stared at his captor for a full five minutes before saying anything, having cautiously and one-handedly switched off the screwdriver.

Fantastic. In the dark, trapped between an annoyed Rose and an even more annoyed TARDIS.

"Can't we at least have the lights on?" he whined to the roof. "Please?" Nothing. "Women!"

"Are you going to start talking yet?" Rose spun him round and grabbed the back of his collar, steering him warily towards the captain's chair.

"The TARDIS seems to think I have something to tell you. Which I don't."

_Wrong answer._

The floor shuddered violently, sending a few rather inconvenient (but probably intentional, thought the Doctor) vibrations through the chair. Rose's face inched closer, still looking him straight in the eye, until their noses were almost touching.

"I said, are you going to start talking. Because I want a shower, I want something to eat, and I want some lights."

"There is nothing to talk about, Rose! I don't know what's gotten into her lately. Ever since…ever since I regenerated, she's been acting weird." Rose rolled her eyes and let go of the Doctor's coat, sighing and turning towards the console. To her surprise, she could see a light flashing on the other side, and went round to investigate. The Doctor followed cautiously, pulling his coat about him as if he was about to be attacked at any moment.

On the far side of the console, a large red light flashed, and Rose could see that it was a button. She grinned mischievously at the Doctor, her hand hovering over it.

"Haven't you learned anything?" She couldn't decide whether he sounded exasperated or scared shitless. "Don't push the…!"

Rose pushed it.

"…button!"

And in the corner behind her, an image flickered into life. Rose recognised it as the Emergency Programme that had played when the Doctor returned her to Earth. She watched it, open-mouthed, trying to hold back the tears that pricked her eyes at the sight of the old Doctor – _her_ Doctor – standing in front of her again.

Only this time, something different happened. He turned to her earlier than he had done before, and smiled – not the slightly sad smile from before, but an all-out manic grin.

"And if you wanna remember me, then you can do one thing. That's all. One thing. Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose. Have a fantastic life. And…" his smile dropped a little and he looked down. Rose reached out, tried to touch him, but her hand passed straight through the hologram.

The Doctor, or rather his image, looked back up again, and the grin was back. "Have a bloody fantastic life. I love you."

And the hologram vanished.

Rose turned to the Doctor behind her, wiping a tear away, shock written all over her face. He didn't look much better; in fact he looked absolutely awful. His face was white and he was definitely scared now. Before she could say anything, there was a noise from the corner, and she turned back. Images flitted across the air; grainy pictures that looked like they'd been recorded on a CCTV camera. All of the Doctor, some with her in too, but in all of them he looked so sad. Their mouths moved but no words came out, until the last scene.

"_What happened?"_

"_Don't you remember?"_

"_It's like…there was this singing…"_

The image flicked out, and slowly, lights came on. Rose turned slowly to face the Doctor, who was by now sat on the floor, arms and legs spread out, looking completely hopeless. Rose walked over and knelt down in front of him, but he ignored her, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling once more.

"It won't work. It wouldn't work!" he shouted. The floor shuddered, the movement growing and growing until Rose felt as though the TARDIS was trying to tear itself apart. She leant over and took the Doctor's face in her hands, forcing him to meet her confused gaze.

"What happened? What happened to me? What did I do?"


	4. Chapter 4

"What happened? What happened to me? What did I do?" The Doctor didn't know what to say. Ten out of ten for determination on the TARDIS' part, he had to admit, but this was really pushing it. He was jolted back to earth by Rose's continued pleas; her now tear-filled eyes silently begging him to explain.

"Tell me, please…"

"I…I don't know how to," he began lamely, moving Rose so they sat cross-legged in front of each other.

_Shall I tell her?_

"Please." The Doctor looked at the floor as Rose's eyes widened, fresh images appearing in her mind. Her pulling open the console…appearing back on the satellite…

"Oh, God. No. No!" She stared up in horror as the last picture faded from her mind. "I killed him. I killed him!"

"Rose, you didn't, I'm right-" He tried to grab her arm before she ran off, but he was too slow. Rose ran from the room out of the now unlocked door, presumably in the direction of her own bedroom. She flung the door shut behind her, and the Doctor tried to follow, but received nothing except the click of the lock again as the door was fastened against him.

She needs to be on her own. I'm sorry, I didn't mean… 

"It's okay. Should've listened to you."

-

The Doctor passed the next few hours doing nothing in particular; most of it was spent under the console, playing with things that really didn't need to be played with, the TARDIS patiently tolerating it. He appreciated it; by now he should have been covered in sparks at least three times.

Finally, though, he couldn't stand the waiting any longer. He carefully crawled out from beneath the console and went over to the door, silently hoping that it would be unlocked by now. It was, and he stepped through into the corridor beyond, making his way slowly towards Rose's bedroom. What he was going to say, he had no idea, but the time had definitely come for some serious explanations.

He was about halfway there when a voice filtered into his head, full of panic.

Oh, God…she's not there. The library, go to the library! 

The rest of the corridor passed by in a blur as the Doctor ran towards the library. Well, one of them, and he hoped it was the right one. She was so scared…he couldn't remember fear like that since…well, it was frightening, and the closer he got, the more the heavy feeling in his chest dragged his hearts down.

Throwing open the door to the library, he barely had time to register his surroundings before he was turning over collapsed bookcases and upturned tables, searching frantically for Rose. He found her, eventually, lying under a bookcase in the darkest corner, covered in bruises.

She looked up at him, lost. "I lost it, I'm sorry, I just lost it." Rose looked around, barely able to stand up despite the grip the Doctor had on her. "What did I do?"

"You, erm…you trashed the place." He tried to smile and lighten the moment, but the effort fell flat. "Come on. Med bay for you."

He guided her slowly out of the library, not into the corridor this time, but straight into the med bay, and said a silent 'thank you' before laying her carefully onto the nearest bed. Rose was sobbing again now. He'd been an idiot, he realised; thinking that she wasn't affected by what had happened. It was only just sinking in, and finding out everything so quickly clearly hadn't helped.

"I killed him. I killed him," she repeated, shaking where she lay on the bed. "I killed him."

Rose looked straight at the Doctor, and he put down the scanner he was using to take her hands in his own. "You didn't kill anyone. I'm here. I'm alive."

"I killed him. He didn't have to die. I'm the one who should be dead, not him."

"Rose?"

She looked away from him, her face obscured. The Doctor reached over to make her face him again, and her gaze snapped back, but her eyes were blank…blank circles of yellow.

"I killed him."


	5. Chapter 5

"Rose? What's going on?"

"I killed him…" she choked, crying. "I'm sorry about the mess." Rose gasped as her body went into spasm. She opened her mouth to scream, but nothing came out.

The Doctor grabbed both her arms and shook her, forcing her to keep meeting his terrified gaze.

"Listen to me! You did not kill anyone! I'm here! I'm alive! Rose!" He reached over to the other side of the table, grabbing a strap and pulling it over her, and fixed it clumsily to his side of the bed. He did the same for her legs and wrists, but it didn't keep her much calmer. Pulling the sonic screwdriver from his pocket, the Doctor moved it over Rose's forehead, frowning.

"Rose! Whatever you're doing, you've got to stop. Your head…it's burning, Rose, you're burning!"

"I'm the one who should be dead, not him," she repeated, face screwed up against the pain in her head. "I killed him."

"Rose, listen to me now. Him and me, we're both the same person. I know that's hard to understand, and I should have explained it better, but that's how it is! He isn't dead, not really, he's still here." He pointed at his head as if to demonstrate. "Just a different body, that's all!"

"You're not the same…it's not the same."

"It's more the same than you think. You want to know why I had to do that? Why I had to regenerate? Not because I had to, Rose, because I wanted to. I knew from the start it was going to happen, and I didn't care. Know why?"

Rose shut her eyes, tight closed as though trying to block out what he was saying. Under the Doctor's grip she was still struggling against the straps on the bed.

_Keep talking. She doesn't want this…not really…I think?_

He realised, then; whatever was in there, in Rose's head, should probably have killed her at least five minutes ago. The TARDIS was keeping it under control.

"I was _scared_, Rose. I was so frightened. I could see it! I could see the power burning you up from inside out, and it terrified me!" The Doctor swallowed, mentally kicking himself for letting nerves get the better of him even now. "Look, what I'm trying to say is…I did it because I chose to. I did it for you. I did it because I love you, Rose!"

Rose opened her eyes, staring open mouthed at the Doctor. Okay, good, her eyes were brown. Bad, she was still in pain. She obviously hadn't quite given up yet. And something, somewhere, snapped. His knees gave way, and he found himself kneeling beside the bed, reaching up to grasp Rose's hands.

He was crying, he realised, really, full-out crying. Any other time he'd probably have been ashamed of that, but now it didn't seem to matter.

"Rose, don't do this to yourself, please…you didn't kill anyone; I did it – he did it, if that makes more sense to you – because he loved you! So do I. I love you, Rose Tyler, and if you keep on doing this, you really are going to die, and there's going to be nothing I can do, and I couldn't take that, Rose, I just couldn't…please…"


	6. Chapter 6

The words were like a hammer to Rose's head. What was she thinking? She'd already caused enough trouble; did she really want to be responsible for that, too? Not quite believing that the Doctor was telling the truth, but not quite wanting to risk it, either, she tried to stop what she'd started. Then she realised; she _couldn't_ stop it.

Because she didn't know how she'd done it in the first place.

"Doctor…" Rose tried to look at him, but she couldn't see him anywhere. Did she just imagine all that, then? Were the I love you's wishful thinking? They couldn't be…no, they really couldn't be, because she could hear someone else in the room. Her hand closed around something, and within a split second a face had appeared next to her.

"Rose? Oh, God, Rose, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I thought I'd gotten rid of it all! Just stop it, please, stop it now!"

"Can't. Don't know how…get it out, please, get it out…it _hurts_!" Rose opened her mouth to scream again, and this time it came out, shrill, deafening, and definitely nothing like a human scream. The Doctor's eyes widened in fright, his mouth practically scraping the floor. He tried to block the sound out, throwing his hands over his ears, but it still came, echoing round the med bay and reminding him, really very strangely, he thought, of crashing waves.

"ROSE!" he yelled, struggling to hear himself over her scream. He tried to move his hands to do something – anything – to help, but they felt like they were glued to his head. So he did the only other thing he could – he turned round and kicked the wall. Hard.

"Why did you have to do this?" he shouted at the empty air. "I know you wanted me to talk but look at her! How could you?"

"Doctor?" in his anger, he hadn't noticed the scream fade. The room had fallen silent again, and Rose lay there, protesting weakly at the straps on her wrists. "I think it's gone…"

The Doctor wandered over to the bed, his hands still pressed to his ears. "Rose, what did you do?"

"I don't know. I just wanted…I wanted to die, so bad…" Rose swallowed, appearing to ignore the Doctor's choked sob at hearing her say it. "'Cause I thought I deserved it, for killing him…you," she corrected. She looked at him, her own eyes full of tears. "I'm sorry, I'm-" she broke off, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Doctor, um…what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" He lowered his hands at last, and took hers again. "What…what can you see?"

"I can see your hearts beating. I can _hear_ them." Well, that was certainly new. "Oh," she muttered, disappointed. "It's gone again. Can you get me out of these?" she added, changing the subject, albeit it abruptly.

"Yeah, sure." The Doctor set to work, too confused to really say anything more, and helped Rose sit up on the bed.

_I'm sorry, Rose._

"That's okay," Rose whispered, drawing another confused look from the Doctor. "Thank you. Don't be mad at her," she said, to the Doctor this time. "She stopped me from doing…whatever it was I was doing. What happened?"

"You don't remember? You don't remember anything?"

"Up to the part where he…where the pictures started." Rose's lip shook, and she burst into tears again as she recalled the 'alternate version' of the emergency programme playing out in front of her. The Doctor didn't reply, just wrapped his arms round her, managing to talk straight into her neck and still make himself understood.

"Come on. We're going to go get cleaned up, then we're going to go and sit down somewhere with a cup of tea and some Merillian chocolate biscuits, and I'm going to tell you everything."

"Eh? Merillian chocolate biscuits?" Rose laughed despite herself.

"Best in the universe," the Doctor assured her, wiping her face with his thumb as they walked slowly out of the med bay, "three kinds of chocolate, and you can get them with little bits of cherry in. Fantastic."


	7. Chapter 7

"These biscuits," Rose began, waving one around for emphasis, "are absolutely amazing." The Doctor grinned as she took another bite, then started talking again, spraying crumbs across the table. "Seriously amazing. I mean, the chocolate is just bliss."

"Yeah, and you're just eating it. You should see what they do with it on Merillia!"

"Oh, yeah? What's that?" The remainder of the biscuit stopped halfway to Rose's mouth and she looked at it for a moment, a positively wicked grin spreading across her face. The Doctor just blushed, and quickly changed the subject.

"So. Anything else coming to mind?" He put his mug down on the table and looked at Rose seriously now, waiting patiently for her to finish her biscuit.

"I don't know," she sighed. "There were the pictures. Well, you saw those, some of them anyway. I didn't want to look. I couldn't help it. And when I saw the ones of what happened…I had no idea up 'till then, I just remembered having the most God-awful migraine." Rose swallowed. She knew she had to go on, but even while she was saying this, the burning was starting again, faintly, at the very back of her mind. The Doctor evidently sensed something was wrong, because he reached under the table to take her hand, bringing it to rest against his cheek.

"It's okay. Go on."

"I thought it was bad watching him…you…but now I know why. Did it hurt?" She turned her head to look at him, blushing slightly at the sight of her hand resting on his face. He regarded her sadly. Time for some truth, he knew, but he didn't want to hurt her anymore.

He sighed. "Like hell."

Rose turned away again, moving her hand away as though he'd burnt her. She buried her face in her hands, trying not to cry. "I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I told you, I chose to do it. I didn't have to but I did. I took that stuff out of you, knowing what it'd do to me if I did, and I put it back, and it hurt _so_ much, but you know what?"

"What?"

He looked at her, deadly serious, and she could see his eyes were wet, as though he were about to cry too. "I'd do it again. I'd do it a thousand times because it would keep you safe." Rose said nothing, so he went on. "He's still in here, you know. I've got all his memories, and I can prove it. 'Run!', I said. And Gwyneth, remember her? Almost dancing before that idiot Jack teleported us. Let's see…oh yeah, what about the Slitheen? They were really something!"

Rose's face broke into a huge grin, the Doctor's following, as she realised he was telling the truth.

"So, what happened? On the satellite, I mean."

The atmosphere sobered at once. "The Daleks were going to kill us. You. Couldn't let that happen, could I? I sent you back home in the TARDIS, told you some rubbish about how we could go back and fix it, I don't know. Except, being the stubborn ape you are-" he stuck his tongue out at her, grinning, "you pulled her open, got an entire time vortex stuck in your head and came back. Destroyed the Daleks, every last one of them, but you were destroying yourself, too."

"I thought you said you couldn't do that. Get the TARDIS open?"

"You can't. She wanted you to. Anyway, you…I tried to get you to let it go, but you wouldn't. Maybe you couldn't. But, I could see it, running through you. It was burning you up. Remember how we saw Earth go up?" Rose nodded. "It was like that. It was amazing, beautiful, even, but it was killing you. So I took it out for you."

Rose closed her eyes, searching frantically for the memory. It had to be there, somewhere, didn't it? And somewhere, she could remember it – the singing, the dust, everything. She opened her eyes again, and found that only one word came to mind.

"Damn. Damn it!"

"What?" Rose was smiling, a hand to her head as if she couldn't quite believe it, whatever 'it' was.

"I wait God knows how long, and when you finally do it, I don't even realise. Well, that's bloody typical."

"Of course," the Doctor continued, apparently ignoring her, there's only one way you could have done what you did in the med bay." He pointed at his head. "Still there. I didn't quite finish the job. And if I don't get that out too, two things could happen. One, you could be fine, or two, it'll do some serious damage."

"It's still in there? But, you said you got it out!" Rose tried not to panic, tried not to think of the Doctor 'dying' the last time he fixed her up. "You, you…what if it happens again?" She stood up suddenly, backing off, knocking her chair to the floor.

"It won't. Besides, there's more than one way to do it, and what's in there is tiny, nothing compared to before. It's not an emergency, like before, but we still have to do something about it. Don't panic, okay? It'll be okay." He stood up, reaching for Rose but only managing a handful of her top. Pulling her back towards him, he wrapped his arms round her, running a hand through her hair as she choked out a sob. "I'm not going to die, Rose, I swear."

"So…how are you going to get it out?"

The Doctor moved back slightly, arms still round Rose's neck, and grinned at the flushed look on her face. "Take your pick. The psychic way, the tied-to-a-bed-in-the-med-bay-again way, or the fun way."


	8. Chapter 8

Rose hadn't seen this room before. It was small and round; with a domed ceiling that she couldn't see the top of for shadows. Underneath the metal grill of the floor, soft blue lights glowed at intervals, giving off just enough light for someone to walk in without tripping over or meeting a wall. There was a dark circle in the centre of the room; carpet, she presumed, with a cushion on it. Walking into the room, Rose felt an overwhelming sense of peace; not even the constant humming of the TARDIS could be heard in here, and it seemed strange to be without it.

"How come I've never been in here before?"

"I'm pretty sure there are places in this ship I haven't been in before. But this one would normally be hidden. I'm the only one who comes in here, when I want to be by myself."

Rose wasn't quite sure how to reply, so she said nothing. The look on the Doctor's face as he spoke told her that whatever this room was, it was personal – a bit like a diary, she supposed – and that it wasn't a small thing that he was letting her see it. She circled the room, looking down through the floor at the tiny blue lights winking up at her, eventually finding she'd come full right round and into the dark centre space.

The Doctor appeared to be ignoring her again, still standing inside the door. His eyes were closed and he looked like he was talking to himself.

"This really isn't a good idea, you know…why are you so sure?"

"Doctor?" Rose went over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He didn't move.

"Trust you? After _that_?"

Rose wasn't sure what made her say what she said next. She wasn't even sure it was her speaking, because the voice didn't sound like her own. It sounded distorted somehow, and she remembered, just briefly, a scream, like crashing waves. "It's okay. Really."

And for some reason, she believed it.

The Doctor's eyes snapped open, and he looked around, as if he didn't realise where he was. He blinked, and his face broke into a hug grin.

"Right! Where were we? Oh yeah – take your pick."

"What?" Rose asked, incredulous. Where had that other stuff come from?

The Doctor, who was halfway across the room by now, turned and walked back to her; more like a swagger, actually, hands stuffed in his pockets, grinning like a maniac. He stopped in front of her, inching his face closer until their noses were touching.

"I said – take your pick," he whispered, and Rose shuddered, swallowing nervously. "Psychic way," he whispered into her left ear, "Med bay," he whispered on her right, "or the _fun_ way," he finished, face in front of hers again, his mouth almost on hers this time.

Rose smirked at him. "Fun way. On one condition."

"What's that?"

"You tell me what the Hell's so special about that chocolate."

"Done." The Doctor flashed her his very best smile, before jumping round her to close the door. Rose gasped. The door, once closed seemed to vanish into the shadows that hid the edges of the rest of the room so that it appeared no to exist at all; they were trapped, enclosed in this tiny cocoon of blue.

"Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"Just by that cushion, there should be a button. This goes against everything I've ever told you, but push it." He arranged himself on the cushion while she did so; suit jacket tossed into a shadow somewhere. Somewhere in the blackness above them a light flickered to life, followed by another, and another. Rose looked up, open mouthed, at the flecks of light. They looked a bit like some kind of alien star map.

"Gallifreyan sky – well, how it looked from my home anyway. Not sure why it's still here, actually. Must be getting sentimental in my old age." He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Anyway," he continued quickly, "not getting very far looking at stars, are we? Sit." He grinned and pointed to the floor in front of him.

Rose sat cross-legged on the floor, surprised at how comfortable the carpet was. "You sure this is okay?" she asked nervously. "You swear you're not going to blow up or anything?"

"Promise." The Doctor made crosses over both hearts with his hand, before putting one hand up on either side of Rose's face, palms hovering a tiny distance away from her cheeks. "Now just close your eyes, and try not to think of anything."


	9. Chapter 9

"Rose. I told you not to think about anything."

"I'm not."

The Doctor smirked, eyes still closed. She could hear him trying not to laugh. "Oh, yes you are."

Rose grinned back into the link. "What am I thinking about then?"

The Doctor didn't answer. Instead, Rose just saw a brief image – if it could be called an image, it was more of a blur. The message was clear though.

"I wasn't thinking that. That's your dirty mind, that is!"

"Do please try to control yourself, I am trying to concentrate." He laughed, and they were both silent again.

A few minutes later, the Doctor sighed and opened his eyes. Rose followed suit, reluctantly. Part of her didn't quite believe him when he said nothing bad would happen, and while she felt guilty for not trusting him, she was still scared. But there he was, grinning back at her, and she couldn't help but to throw her arms around him with relief.

Then something else occurred to her.

"That wasn't much fun at all."

"I disagree. It was lots of fun. Very interesting, your thoughts."

"It's a good job you're sitting on the only object in the room, Doctor, else you'd have been back in that med bay." Rose tried to sound threatening, but laughed more than she tried to scowl at him.

"Anyway," he continued, "we're not done yet. I just found all the pieces and put them in the same place. Find them easier that way. Right next to the memory of falling over in the playground when you were five, and just above that rather amusing idea about what kind of underwear I own. Bit strange that they're so close together, but never mind."

Rose giggled, but the Doctor stopped her, leaning over and placing a finger on her lips.

"Fun bit comes next. Oh, and do me a favour."

Rose nodded.

"Try and _remember_ it, this time."

He grinned, and took his finger away. Rose tried to say something, but as soon as the finger over her mouth was gone, his mouth had replaced it. Whatever she'd been trying to say was gone as she leaned into the kiss instinctively, determined not to forget this for anything.


	10. Chapter 10

All too soon the Doctor pulled back, Rose moaning in protest until she saw the look of amusement on his face.

"What's so funny?"

"Sorry, couldn't help myself." He grinned. "Kitchen table."

"Just how much poking around did you do in there?" Rose demanded, her face growing redder every second. The fact that she'd come up with that particular idea the day after she'd met the Doctor didn't really help. Probably why he was grinning so much. Smug git.

"Enough to get some very interesting ideas of my own." Rose's mouth dropped. The Doctor just kept grinning like an idiot, raising an eyebrow. Okay, she thought, smug _filthy_ git.

His face grew serious. "Listen, Rose, don't be scared, okay? I've got to do something."

"What?" She really didn't like the sound of that, at all. He obviously knew it, because he reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, and smiled reassuringly.

"An hour, at the most," he said, still smiling. "If not, kick me. Hard as you can." Rose watched with horror as he fell forward, unconscious, into her lap. She gasped, screamed, stared, and screamed again before deciding it would probably be best to move him before he suffocated.

-

It was a struggle, but eventually she managed to get the Doctor onto a med bay bed. The journey had been mercifully short, and Rose suspected the TARDIS had a hand in it.

Rose set him down carefully onto the bed, wondering briefly if she should fix him to it somehow, after what had happened to her. Deciding against it, she arranged herself on the floor beside him, with her head resting on her knees and an arm outstretched to grasp his hand.

"Don't you dare go disappearing on me again…" she whispered to the silence. She was grateful for the resumed humming of the TARDIS in the background. Somehow she didn't seem quite as alone and scared as she had in the 'star room' as she now called it.

_He'll be okay, Rose. It's just a side effect. _

"How do I know that? He's already done it once. My fault…and now I don't know if I've killed him again."

_You haven't. You didn't, for that matter. Besides, there's nowhere near the amount of power there that there was before. _

"Is he going to remember me when he wakes up? I still don't remember half of what happened to me, so will he?"

There was no answer, just the soft humming in the background, and the Doctor's breathing. Rose sighed. She was just overreacting, she told herself, just acting like a scared little girl. The thought made her feel rather stupid.

Stupid ape, she told herself, smiling.

Then another thought occurred to her; could the Doctor hear her, even though he was unconscious? Rose decided that maybe he could; maybe now she could do something she'd wanted to do for what seemed like forever – talk to him. Not just chat, but really talk, without the random interruptions that this version seemed so fond of making, especially when she was about to work up the courage to say something important.

"Doctor?" she began, licking her lips nervously. "I don't know if you can hear me in there. I hope not. I'm about to make a right prat of myself."


	11. Chapter 11

Rose was tired. She figured, as close as she could, anyway, that it had to be somewhere in the early hours of the morning, and she desperately wanted to rest her head against the bed and sleep. But every time she closed her eyes, the fear that the Doctor might not wake up jolted her back to reality, and she went back to trying to work out how to say what she wanted to say.

Eventually growing fed up of sitting on the hard floor, Rose looked around for a chair. Dragging one from a corner, she sat as close to the bed as she could and sat down, taking a deep breath.

"Okay." She took another breath. "Okay. God, Rose, stop repeating yourself." She picked the Doctor's hand up again, linking her fingers with his and resting his palm against her cheek. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw his eyelids flutter, then dismissed it as wishful thinking.

"I'm glad you didn't go poking around in my head too much, you know," she whispered, smirking, "'cause while you were standing there telling me to run, I was more interested in pulling you into the nearest store cupboard and having my wicked way with you." She laughed and rubbed her eyes, trying to stay awake. "Seriously, though, for all your wandering around up there, I don't think you've got a clue how much I think about you. Broke my heart, you did, sending me back. You'd probably make all kinds of fuss if you were awake now, but you're not, so I can say it. I knew it was going to kill me. All the while I had the TARDIS in my head going, don't you dare, it'll kill you, let it go, but I didn't. Couldn't, could I?

"It hurt, you know, not saying anything before. I wanted to. I wanted to turn round, tell you I loved you more than anything in the universe and kiss you senseless, but I couldn't. Even if you felt the same, it was beside the point, 'cause you'd never let it go anywhere. Too bloody noble, you are. You'd say stuff about how your life was so dangerous, and how I'd die and you wouldn't and you couldn't do that to me. You want to know something? I don't care."

Rose was growing more confident now. All the stuff she'd been dying to say came spilling out, and she tried to stop herself talking, but she couldn't. What if the Doctor really could hear her? What was he going to say when – if – he woke up again? Sighing, Rose reached out and ran her free hand through his hair, muttering nonsense under her breath.

"I don't give a damn," she went on, wiping a tear from her face now. "And I'll tell you something else. I'm not going to die. I'm not going to disappear and leave you on your own again." Rose gasped, shaking her head. It was that sensation again, the feeling that you weren't quite yourself. She could hear herself speaking, but it wasn't her. The voice was strange, distorted. She shook her head again, saying quietly, "I'm not going anywhere…" before coughing and changing the subject.

"I'm a bit disappointed, actually," she grinned, tracing a finger down the Doctor's arm. "I was hoping I was going to get to put you in pyjamas again. That was definitely an interesting experience. Mum was going to do it in the first place. I told her you'd got two hearts, so she got curious. Not much point if you were only going to be an hour, though, was there? Actually-" she looked around for some kind of clock, but failed to spot one, "how long has it been? Shouldn't you be waking up by now?"

There was no response from the seemingly sleeping Doctor. Rose swallowed nervously; trying to convince herself it had been far less time than she thought. Letting go of the Doctor's hand, she stood and started wandering round the small room.

"I love you so much, you know," she said over her shoulder, stopping abruptly in the far corner of the room. Leaning her head against the wall, she sighed deeply. "Just wake up," she whispered. "Please?"

"I wasn't asleep in the first place." Rose spun round to see the Doctor perched on the end of the bed, a huge grin spread across his face. Her mouth fell open in shock, and the Doctor, regretting it instantly, could see anger in her eyes. The smile faded.

Rose crossed the room towards him, slowly, each step measured, until she was no more than a hand's length away from him. Looking him straight in the eye, she inhaled deeply, trying not to let the tears or her anger show.

"You bastard."

And she turned on her heel and ran from the room.


	12. Chapter 12

Getting Rose to open her door had been easier than he'd expected. She answered the first time the Doctor knocked. Keeping his hearts in one piece as he listened to her almost frighteningly calm words was more of a challenge.

"I've been locked in, shown things that have broken my heart into more pieces than you can imagine and tried to kill myself. I'm speaking with someone else's voice. You've scared the living daylights out of me. I didn't know if you'd wake up. Is this all some big cosmic joke? Does watching me cry give you some kind of sadistic kick? Did you _like_ watching me scream? Don't," she spat as the Doctor tried to speak, "I don't want to hear it. I'm tired. I'm going to bed now, and when I wake up, I'm going to get my things, I'm going to leave this," she held up the chain and the key that hung round her neck, "and I want you to take me home."

"Rose…"

"Go away." The Doctor could feel the hatred in her words burning him. "I'm leaving tomorrow, and I hope to God I never see you again."

The door slammed shut, and he was left alone in the corridor. He stood staring at the door for what felt like hours, listening to the faint shuffling from within as Rose changed and got into bed, before walking back to the control room in a daze.

It was three hours before he picked himself back up off the floor, wiping his eyes. Checking a small dial on the console, he saw that it was five o' clock in the TARDIS' night cycle. That gave him three hours or so – best make it two to be on the safe side – before Rose would wake up.

The Doctor set to work. There was no way he was letting her go.

Not if he could help it, anyway…


	13. Chapter 13

"What the Hell is this?"

As it turned out, Rose had slept for far longer, and it was now about eleven o' clock. The lights inside the TARDIS were dim, though, and it still felt like the middle of the night. Rose stood in the doorway of the control room, fully dressed with a large black bag in her hand, looking expectantly at the Doctor.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

Rose gestured at the dozens upon dozens of candles that littered the floor, the console, anywhere that could be found to stand them. "You do know these things are all over the ship, don't you? I nearly set fire to myself."

The Doctor's face remained impassive, but his voice betrayed the emotions running through him. "I can't do anything today, can I?"

"No. You can't."

"I didn't know she'd lock us in. Daft girl thought it'd make me talk – about…well, you know." He advanced cautiously towards Rose, picking his way through the candles. "I couldn't get the words out, so she tried to do it for me, but she really didn't realise, Rose."

"I am…so tired." The black bag fell limply to the floor. "I'm tired."

"I tried to tell her! Bad idea, really bad idea, but she wouldn't listen, and you got all scared about what had happened, and I couldn't get the words out again. Then you ran off, and we didn't know…God, Rose, we were terrified, it was like she was screaming inside my head, run! Run, because I don't know how long she's got!"

Rose's face was blank. The Doctor couldn't tell whether she was listening or not, or whether the words were simply passing straight through her, but he kept on.

"Oh, God…God, seeing you lying there. The screaming! It wasn't human, Rose!" He crumpled, falling backwards and landing in a sitting position on the floor, clutching at his head as though he was in pain. "I thought you were going to die," he sobbed, "and she thought you were going to die, and it took _that_ for me to say it! It took all that for me to say I love you! I was angry with her, so angry because she'd shown you all that and you couldn't handle it. And you stopped…I thought it was going to be okay. It was like it never happened," he muttered, looking up at Rose like he wanted her to answer some unspoken question.

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating it like a joke. I'm sorry for acting like some randy teenager, making stupid comments, poking around in your head like it was open access. I'm sorry for scaring you. I just thought that maybe…maybe it'd be better if you could just talk, you know? Get out whatever you had to, and…I can't even do that right!"

Rose edged round the candles, her bag forgotten for the moment, and sat down in front of the Doctor.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. But I'm so tired."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know what I do at night? Every time you go off into some mad crusade to save the world, and you leave me behind, and I don't know whether you're coming back – that scares me. When I'm in that room on my own, that's when I'm scared the most. I cry. I cry and I scream and I kick things and the TARDIS makes it so you can't hear the noises. But I'm tired! I'm so tired of crying, Doctor, I can't do it anymore!"

"I should've said something so much sooner, Rose. Forget the nobility." He held out his hands to wipe the tears from her face, but she stopped him.

"Don't. Please? I can't stay here. I can't stay here never knowing whether, every time we go out of that door, I'm going to come back on my own. And if you do that," she looked down pointedly at his hands, "I don't think I'm ever going to be able to leave."

"Don't leave me. They all leave me."

"I have to. What you've done, all this – it's beautiful. Thank you. Apology accepted." Rose placed the Doctor's hands firmly but gently into his lap, then reached up and unhooked the clasp that held the chain round her neck. "Take this back, so I can never come back in. I'm going to walk out of that door, and I want you to start her up, and disappear as far as you can, and no matter how much I shout or cry or bang on the door, you leave. Got that?"

The Doctor opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again. Tears falling freely, he just nodded dumbly, and got up, turning in silence towards the console. As Rose made her way carefully among the candles to the door, he hit a few switches, then followed her to the threshold.

"We landed on your estate yesterday. Should still be there."

Rose swallowed and licked her lips, trying to think of the right thing to say. "I love you," was all that came out.

"I love you." The door closed, and the Doctor was left alone in the room full of candles. Behind him, on the console, was a small red button. He didn't know where he'd go if he pushed it, and he didn't care.

But he pushed it anyway.


	14. Chapter 14

The Doctor reached over to push the button, then turned his attention to blowing out the candles, muttering to himself every time the metal floor crackled and shocked his hand. The TARDIS was up to something. The temptation to ask what the Hell it was almost unbearable, but remembering the last time she'd been 'up to something,' the Doctor tolerated the shocks and kept his anger to himself.

Then everything stopped. The shocks stopped, the movement of the ship stopped – even the candles went out. There was a loud shudder, like a sigh, and the Doctor cracked.

"All right, what are you doing now?"

_I'm not letting you leave. I know what you're thinking._

"What else is new?"

_We're in London. I'm not taking you anywhere else until you get her back. _

"For Christ's sake, she isn't coming back!"

_Given a choice between making you try and letting you throw yourself out into the Vortex, what do you think I'm going to do?_

The Doctor sighed and made for the door, talking to himself about how the Gallifreyans had been right after all, and that he never should have come near this planet.

Slamming the door shut behind him, he found himself in the centre of London as the TARDIS had said, a short distance from some nondescript bridge over a busy road.

Okay, maybe not such a busy road. That road in particular had been blocked off close to the bridge, and the only vehicle nearby was a large black van. A huddle of people knelt round something on the ground.

"Let her get some air!" The group moved back.

And the Doctor swore that as soon as he got back inside the TARDIS, he really was going to raise Hell.


End file.
